Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I understand Curling. That high.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
