What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
