just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
