he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
