Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
