wakey wakey hands off snakey
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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