Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You can't special order awesome
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
