life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
