We named our party play list daddy issues
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
