awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
