All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
