i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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