First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
