I CAN MOONWALK!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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