I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
