I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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