he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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