between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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