he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
