sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
