that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My balls are so social today.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
