I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Panties = found
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
