my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
