she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Barsexuality is the new black.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
