Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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