In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
