I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
