I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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