$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
