Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
