I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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