ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
