glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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