I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
