i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
