The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
