wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
