are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
