Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
why is half of my head shaved?
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