hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
