This dress was meant to end up on your floor
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
