If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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