sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
