Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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