Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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