i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Randomize
