Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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