Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
