If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
