i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
