yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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