Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
