Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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